Why I Hate Brunch

So I described in my last post how my stomach works, and that eating a lot early in the day is a problem for me. I shall now elaborate.
When I was younger, and still on holidays today, my mom would make blueberry pancakes, or french toast, or eggs and sausage on weekends. My dad and brother both enjoyed these breakfasts. I, on the other hand, would eat about 1/4 of what was on my plate, and then curl up for the next two hours while my stomach roiled in upset.
To avoid the nausea, I tried not using syrup. I tried not using butter. I tried anything to make the food less rich. Nothing changed my reaction after eating it. So, I finally learned that my body just does not take kindly to certain foods early in the day.
(Yes, I COULD eat french toast for dinner, or at 2AM... but I'd still rather have rigatoni with oxtail ragú, or seared duck breast, or steak frites, etc.. maybe some nutella-stuffed french toast for dessert.)

My breakfasts these days usually consist of something like orange juice and a banana. Or orange juice and a piece of toast with peanut butter. (Do not ask me why I can handle peanut butter. I just can. And I love it.) Sometimes I try to be extra healthy and have yogurt, but that doesn't fill even my meager morning appetite for more than half an hour. But the OJ is important because that is what perks up my brain and tells it that bed is not going to be an option any time soon.
The point of this is to say, after 30 years, the trend has continued that early in my eating schedule day, I can't eat a lot. So, all-you-can-eat brunches or other huge portion deals are totally wasted on me. (Tho I do enjoy the ones with unlimited mimosas... I'll suffer through those if I must.)
Today, however, I tried to be a good spouse and go with Mike for brunch. I figured, if nothing else, it's another nice day and would be an excuse to get outside and spend more time with hubs. Plus he wanted to go to a restaurant that I like to have dinner at, because at their brunch they have a french toast that is, I kid you not, a slab about 3" thick and covered in some insane honey-maple-fruit-syrup. I get queasy just looking at it. However, I will still kind of riding my food-high from Saturday night, so I was feeling positive.

(An image of Food Network French Toast... but this is similar to what he gets. )
While waiting for our meal, I realized the other reasons why I don't like having brunch.
1 - You almost always have to wait for a table. Sometimes 15 minutes. Sometimes HOURS. Almost always outdoors, regardless of weather. Also, denying me all food and beverage for hours is a good way to meet the evil, cranky bitch in me.
2 - The food in general, as discussed.
3 - The servers are insanely rushed and frequently forget things. Like your mimosa.
4 - I feel rushed. As though I must inhale my food as fast as possible (bad for digestion) as soon as it (finally) arrives just so they can turn over another table. Not an enjoyable experience.
5 - They seem to jam extra tables in tight spots because there will be a large brunch crowd. This means there is nowhere to look but directly ahead, and you are stuck listening to the "Harpy" next to you (Mike's term, not mine) complain about the food and the service and why the servers don't speak better English all during your meal.
6 - It's LOUD. Yes, many dinner spots are loud, but somehow it's a different kind of noise at 1PM than it is at 7PM.
7 - It's bright. There is no gentle lighting that makes you and your food look more pleasing. And if you add 6+7 you get me with quite a headache.
8 - I will end up eating more than I intend due to portions, and then feel ill.
9 - Along the lines of portions, I can almost never just order say, an English muffin and juice, unless I'm at a DINER. And diners are not to be attended when it is light out. Also, brunch will charge $7 for a bagel.
10 - Finally... I have most likely consumed so many calories that I will not be able to do my late-night grazing of the foods I really enjoy without feeling guilty, and that just ticks me off.

So there is my more specified rundown of reasons I am not a breakfast person. I know I am in the minority, and that Brunch is something of a New York culture, but it just is not my speed. I'd much rather sleep in, start my metabolism gently, and graze my way toward dinner, and then have a fabulous meal.
And all throughout brunch today, do you know what I was thinking about?
What I was going to cook for dinner.
Not that that is so very different from any other random time of day... but it just shows that even when I'm already out and eating, I am looking forward to my evening meal.