Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Fashion Gone Wrong

I've been cooking a lot lately, so just to keep things interesting:
It's time to mock more horrible fashion!
Let's start with footwear.
 It looks like the sole of this shoe is actually falling off. How would you walk in them?! Do they come with matching suede ski poles so you can lean forwards without falling over?
These simply fall into the category of, How Tall Do You Need To Be? The chains crossing over the patent leather kind of call to the rocker in me, were I performing on stage... but not the 5" heel with narrow platform. These shoes were clearly NOT made for walkin'.

On to things that should not be worn on the bottom half of your body, ever. Not in public, and not at home.
Not only should you not have words across your bum, but you should not have little hearts running down the backs of your legs. Bonus: you can see in the picture that the black is slightly see-through. Awesome.
I can't... they're not... WTF?!?!?!?!

Just, No. Under no circumstances. No.
Here's a winning number. Ever wanted to look like you had your oversized shirt tied around your waist all the time without the pesky nuisance of actually tying one there?
Then have we got the skirt for you!!!
Just in case the front view didn't convince you, it really will look like you are wearing a shirt around your waist as a skirt. Just don't try to untie the sleeves.
This is not Hervé Léger. This little number is by a brand called, "Pleasure Doing Business"... I think we can all guess just what "business" they are involved in. Moving on...
Nanette Lepore Primrose Pant.
On, Nanette, how you have let me down. But now I know what to wear should the urge to splatter-paint arise.
Finally, for the girl who wants to look like an M.C. Escher Egyptian Royal: your gown awaits.

Next time on Fashion Gone Wrong: I know the weather is getting warmer, but that is no excuse to wear shorts that show your lower-bum-crease. You have been warned.

On that note, I am going outside to enjoy the lovely Spring weather!


Jennifer said...

Sweet gods. I need a drink.

Melissa's Espresso Shot said...

Those lace see-through bell-bottoms were just too much. If you want to wear sexy lingerie, you shouldn't try to wear it in pants form.

Erin said...

I would wear those second pair of shoes. And the heel isn't that tall consider there is a pretty large platform in the front to balance. Just my ywo cents. But the heart leggings?! WTF? Are we 7 years olds?????

RocknRollGourmet said...

I don't care how short you are, wearing a 5" platform heel is just ludicrous. And asking for broken or permanently damaged limbs.
I draw the line at 3"
But then I'm just over 5'8"

Erin said...

It is pretty ludicrous, I admit it. Doesn't stop me from wearing 'em and looking ridiculous (and tall). lol :)