Sandwich + Hot Press = So Much TASTINESS!!!

General tip for healthy living: Do not watch food programming late at night. You WILL get up and make yourself a snack.
At least, you will if you are anything like me... and one of the easiest things to make for a snack, is a sandwich.

There is a wide world of sandwiches out there, far, far beyond the sliced turkey, seasoning, greens + cheese sandwiches that I pack for my husband for school every day. And I'm not talking about PB&J or tuna. I'm talking about hot, melty sandwiches.

The variations that can happen between the simplest of grilled cheese sandwiches and the world of panini permutations is vast, and really there are so many ways of concocting these sandwiches, I do not think it is fair to judge one as superior to another. It's all just what you're hankering for. Some days, a simple grilled cheese is fine. Other days you want it with fresh tomato and bacon inside. Other days you want grilled vegetables, fresh mozzarella, & pesto pressed between two halves of ciabatta. All have their merits. (And all contain delicious melty cheese.) It's just what you're in the mood for.

I have made some killer panini in the past, and it's the kind of thing that Mike loves but forgets about until I make one again. However, tonight I watched a "Throwdown with Bobby Flay" even tho I really do not like him, because Olga Merediz was judging the throw-down which is two words, Bobby! And if you do not know who Olga Merediz is, that is too bad because that means you have not seen In The Heights which was written by and starred my friend Lin, and is a FANTASTIC show, and on which original (oh-so-less professional) production at Wesleyan University I served as Master Electrician and later Lighting Designer because the original LD was in a car accident before we could load-in, and we were sharing the space w/ a dance performance that I was ALSO working on at the time, and it was all an absurd hot mess.
But the show was a smash hit even then, so, all good. I just didn't leave the theater for more than 30 minutes at a time for about 3 days.

But I digress.
The Throw Down (2 words!!!) was about Cubano sandwiches, and while I am in no way well versed in Cubano sandwiches, that did not stop me from craving one on the spot. Well... minus the pickle, because I just do not understand pickle on sandwiches. On a cheeseburger, sometimes yes. On the side, sure. But otherwise I have yet to understand or appreciate a pickle actually embedded in my sandwich.

Digressing again.
This meant that I had to go to my kitchen and create something close, or at least somewhat related, to what I had just witnessed.
I did not have any fancy rolls or anything, but I did have whole wheat bread, deli turkey, sliced prosciutto, and provolone cheese. Slap a little dijon mustard (on my half, as Mike will not touch the stuff) and set it in the Griddler w/ a little butter on the bread and you have one really freakin' tasty sandwich.
And yes, we'd already eaten dinner, which is why I only made a half for each of us.
But really, when your tummy calls, you'd better answer, because that b*tch ain't lettin' you sleep easy until you have placated her to some degree.
And man was she pleased with what I served up :)
And I may have to recreate it for lunch today...

Update: I think tomorrow night will be the big night of making French Onion Soup. It's going to be rainy all weekend and my home is being invaded by some of Mike's former Groomsmen, so I think while they are out carousing I will take up my post over my cauldron, er, soup pot.
And just like the panini, the best part of French Onion Soup is all the melty cheese on top. I have been dreaming about the melty cheese on top of my soup. In fact, I may make even more melted cheese crostini to go serve with the soup than is strictly necessary.
But when is cheese NOT necessary?
I don't think there is such an occasion.

How Do You Have Your Job?

And why don't I have it?

There are some TV cooks/chefs that I not only dislike, I actually have physical reactions to them.
Plus, I could totally do their jobs better than they do.

*Alright I may not be able to do it better, but I could certainly do it. And I'd be less irritating to watch.


**F*ck it I could totally do this.

Examples:

Sandra Lee's "Semi-Homemade" show about busy people who can make great meals with 70% pre-made from the store and 30% fresh ingredients.

Bullshit.

Her version of "semi-homemade" is to take something totally ready from the store, and add, say, dehydrated ranch dressing mix into it, and calls it done.
And gravy mix. Who actually needs gravy mix? Is making a roux that hard?

And this is an actual recipe of hers for making Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup:

Ingredients

• 1 store-bought roasted chicken
• 1 cup diced onions
• 1 cup diced celery
• 1 cup diced carrot
• 4 (14-ounce) cans low-sodium chicken broth
• 2 (10.75-ounce) cans condensed cream of mushroom soup with roasted garlic
• 2 teaspoon fines herbs*
• Salt and pepper
• 2 cups egg noodles, cooked
• 
  
  
  
  

  Directions

  Remove the skin from the chicken and shred the meat from the bone. Put the chicken into a slow cooker along with the onions, celery, and carrots. Stir in broth, mushroom soup, and fines herbs and season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook on high setting for 3 to 4 hours or low for 8 to 9 hours.
  When soup is finished, stir in egg noodles. Adjust seasonings and serve.
  *Cook's Note: Fines herbs are a classic blend of herbs that usually consists of chervil, chives, parsley, and tarragon. Fines Herbs can be found pre-blended in the spice section of the grocery store.

At that point why wouldn't you just BUY A CAN OF CHICKEN SOUP!!! You're buying soup to put in a soup, and if you boil a pre-roasted (read: ready to eat) chicken for 3 hrs that is going to be some tired chicken. And if you're cooking it for 3 hrs why not just dice up raw chicken and throw that in?! It will certainly cook in 3-4 hrs!
How does this save time?
WTF?!?!

Not only all that, but she's dating Andrew Cuomo (NY State Attorney General). She's about five minutes away from being a Stepford Wife. At least in image, if not in actuality.

Calm...

She also creates these elaborate "tablescapes" which are themed from the chandeliers down to the glasses, plates, spoons, and coordinating linens. Sometimes it looks like Martha Stewart and the Dollar Store got drunk together and threw up on the table. (I'm sure she's done some classier ones, but I have had the joy of only seeing truly awful ones.)
My question is, this person who needs your help adding fresh mozzarella to a frozen pizza (to make it semi-homemade, of course) because they didn't have time to cook from scratch... they had time to go and buy all this themed, coordinating nonsense and set the table that elaborately? And where do they store all this crap when the meal is over? Since there's a different "tablescape" for each meal, do they rent out the neighbor's garage as well? Because surely, if they're so busy, they don't have time to drive to their storage space and find the right boxes of "hideous tablescapes" and then drive home and make dinner. They'd need it closer to hand.

Grumblegrumblegrumble....

Next on my Putz With A Job I Could Do Better List is Dan Eaton (Cooking at Home on NY1)

"I'm Dan Eaton and I'm glad you're here."
Well Dan, I'm The Rock 'n Roll Gourmet, and god are you a simpering twit. Plus, your recipes are boring in the extreme. Tho I guess w/ a 3 minute time slot, you can't really get elaborate.  He's supposed to have worked in some top kitchens, but I cannot picture this painfully soft-spoken, wheedley voice running a kitchen. It's like he smoked one too many joints and is permanently "chill".

Did you know that ceramics and pottery are a passion of his?
Makes sense, doesn't it?

Next we have Paula Deen.

Now, I know she has had a lot of troubles in her life, and a lot of them (depression, agoraphobia) are things that I have suffered from as well. So I give her major credit for overcoming them all and marrying her second husband Santa/Fishingboat Captain Mike who seems to love her to bits. And also for opening successful dining establishments and so on.

Plus she's just one crazy chick and I'd totally want to hang out with her, because just look at her. The woman knows how to have fun. My one caveat is that I get to control what I'm eating.

When it comes to her cooking... yikes. We all know she is the Queen of Butter (followed closely by Ina Garten and our beloved Julia Child) but she goes even farther with the creamy fatty solids adding copious amounts of mayo and such to her dishes. It's just revolting.
I did not grow up in The South, so there are many things I just do not understand about Southern Cuisine. I do not like okra, or grits, or black-eyed peas, hominy or collard greens... I know I love fried chicken, biscuits, and corn bread, and barbecue, but they are more special occasion foods, rather than regular dietary staples. So I am missing the basic connection to Paula Deen's cooking on that level, and I admit it.
But in my world the ingredient is just "cream."  There should be no cream-of anything. Add a splash of cream to a tomato sauce, the end of a wild mushroom pasta dish, etc.. Cream is a fabulous thing and it enhances many dishes. But the dish itself should not be called Cream Of --- Anything. It's just vile.

But now here's the kicker. Paula Deen, the Queen of Butter herself, made a CHILDREN'S COOKBOOK!!! Two of them! Full of cakes and desserts and stuff. Childhood obesity being on the rise, and she herself not the paramount of toned svelte-itude, and she's getting the kids on the ground floor. Hell in a few years she could be sued for contributing heavily (ha!) to the obesity problem! She should seriously back off that market. She has enough diamonds dripping off her already.
And on that note, I have to question anyone who wears diamonds the size of my eyeballs on both hands while she's cooking. There must be so much gunk trapped in there... shame. Maybe when we go drinking together she'll wash her hands and one will slip off her and onto my hand :)

So that's todays list of Cooking-Show Hosts that piss me off: a Person Who Buys Canned Coup to make a Semi-homemade Soup, a Permanent Stoner, and a Crazy Lady I'd Like to Drink With.

*I have no idea if Dan Eaton has ever even seen a joint. But I went to Wesleyan, so I've seen a few, and I must say his personality fits the profile.

Stay tuned for future installments...
Bobby Flay, I'm lookin' at you.