Unless of course the Vampire happens to be Angel or Spike... but only season 6-onward Spike.
Tonight is Parent-Teacher conferences, so Mike probably won't get home before 9PM. On nights like this, I make a fabulous and super-fast dinner: Fettuccine Aglio e Olio, which just means Garlic & Oil. Not only is it delicious and fast-cooking, but it will ward off BOTH vampires and colds. (Fact - garlic is very good for the immune system. Next time you're feeling a cold come on, use it as an excuse to eat this or an entire loaf of garlic bread :)
3 garlic cloves
red pepper flakes
**parmigiano or romano cheese, grated
toasted pine nuts
you do not need any salt because of the anchovy and cheese
*Most recipes call for parsley, but as I really dislike parsley, I swap for dried oregano.
**I know you're not supposed to put cheese with seafood, but I do not consider anchovy paste that has melted into oil as still being legitimate seafood...
So the easy rundown of MY version of this dish:
Set your water to boil, and heavily salt it before dropping your pasta.
*No really, you should have a tube of this in your crisper drawer, as well as a tube of tomato paste. They will help to enrich lots of sauces you make, without having annoying jars or cans of the stuff that you can't use up all at once. Very useful.
Also, if you think you don't like anchovies, you're wrong. (Unless you have an allergy. Then you're right.) Even I won't eat an anchovy straight, but when it simmers in oil it has only the faintest fishy note and mostly just a nutty depth of flavor. Trust me and try it. Even Mike likes this dish, anchovy paste and all.
That was a very long side note...
It is very important that you do not rush this sauce, and keep it on a very very low setting. Otherwise your garlic will brown and start to turn bitter, and then the whole sauce is ruined. But since fettuccine only takes 8 minutes to cook, if you start the anchovy paste right when you salt and drop the pasta, it should all work out fine.
Once the garlic is stirred in and on a slow simmer, I toss about a tablespoon or so of dried oregano in, because I feel like there needs to be an herb in here somewhere.
When your pasta is about 2 minutes from done, I ladle about 1/4 cup of the pasta water into the sauce as well and let that incorporate.
Divide into bowls, top with another pinch of grated cheese, and devour while hot. If you're a parsley person, then this would be the time you to garnish with chopped fresh parsley. But as I have never understood why anyone would want to use an herb that tastes like grass, I simply omit it from any recipe that calls for it. I would not, however, substitute fresh basil, because that has a distinctly different and strong flavor, and is not really the point of this meal. Dried oregano is much more mellow a choice for substitution.
This dinner should only take you 15 minutes, start to finish, and is really just an excuse to eat a ton of garlic in one sitting. And you can grate the garlic cloves while you're waiting for the water to come up to a boil so you're ready to drop it in the oil at the right time. It's very tasty and very satisfying.
Just don't make it right before going out for a night of karaoke. Not only will no one want to talk to you, but you will make the microphone reek, which is just bad karaoke etiquette.