Friday, February 5, 2010

Fashion Gone Wrong

So this will be my first of (possibly and most likely) many posts about fashion gone horribly, horribly wrong. Sometimes they may just be photos with expletives alongside. This time, I have a multitude of offenders to confront.

I am taking on sequins.
I think sequins have their place, and as a child of the 80's I definitely enjoyed some tacky sparkle-age. However, I think that sequins need to be a bit more surreptitious. A thin band around a fedora, a smattering on a tank, maybe even a tuxedo stripe down the side of a skirt or dress-pant.
Places sequins should NOT be: all over. The only time all-over-sequins "works" is on one of those little dresses that only work at a club in LA or Miami/South Beach, and if you are in a place where those dresses "work" then you should probably rethink your life.
But I digress.
I charge the following items of clothing with be Ugly in the First Degree, with a side of What Were You Thinking and How Can You Charge So Much for That?:
Exhibit A: Sequined leggings in gunmetal silver.  Now, I also fall into the category of Leggings Are Not Pants So Cover Your Ass. These clearly do not wish to be covered, so they are guilty on multiple levels.
Next we have what are essentially sequined leggins, only they have a fly and pockets. Not an improvement in my book except in the fact that you can probably get them off your body faster in the case of a Return of Reason.
Here we have the sequined sweat-pant with elasticized waist. Mayhap what a Solid Gold Dancer would relax in, or warm up in, before a show.

For a better option, check what The Sassy Curmudgeon has discovered!
In case you live in a warmer climate, the sequined lounge pants also come in a very flattering elasticized short.
 Not to be left out are the sequined crop-sweat-pant (above right) and what appears to be a cropped sequined harem pant (above left).

In case you live in a chillier clime, you have the belted sequined sweater. But fear not! You shall not overheat due to the thoughtful slashes in your pleather leggings (which are not pants!)

And look! They're an Editors' (that means multiple evil souls) Pick! The editors pick for what? I mean seriously, this looks like one of Liberace's more subdued smoking jackets.

Back away...

Finally, I give you a piece that might be fabulous for a special occasion, except in my book it needs to be at least 4 inches longer:
I actually kind of like this mini. The sequins are more spread out, and it has that sexy unadorned mesh hem. Make it 4-5 inches longer so I can bend to put on my shoes without flashing the world, and you have a fun Going Dancing type of skirt.

This is also fun because the entire world is currently sporting the sequined tank under a black blazer (which I secretly wish to be wearing tho I couldn't find a sequined tank that I liked AND could afford) so it would be a bit different.

Buyers, Fashionistas, and Victims BEWARE!!  Just because a recognizable brand is sporting a new trend, it does NOT mean that it is a good thing.

Learn from the 80's and 90's. Spare yourselves. And us.


Drew said...

Harem pants should not exist outside of I Dream of Genie. They are not even particularly appropriate in Harems.

Page said...

I can't believe you do not like sequined leggings...
Damn, now I have to get you something else for your birthday. How do you feel about flair? ; )

(I do agree that the last skirt is kinda cute... me, not so much. You, hot!)