Focaccia Fail

Inspired by a fantastic stromboli-type offering in the breadbasket at Scarpetta, I decided I wanted to figure out how to recreate that bread for myself. (Apparently, making a panini just wouldn't cut it.)
So I decided to try to make some focaccia from scratch.

I will only say that, while I was kneading the dough, I knew something was wrong. I knew I had the wrong consistency, and that it wasn't going to come out right. But, I am also stubborn, so I spent the full 4 hrs making the bread, just to see how it would turn out.

I do not have one of those fancy stand mixers with optional dough-hook attachment, so I had to do it all by hand. Extra tricky as I have never made bread before, other than something like banana bread, which isn't made from a dough, but rather a batter, and so harder to screw up.

Well... even though I knew it was going wrong, it starting out giving me faint hope that it wouldn't suck completely.

The dough actually rose during the hour + that it was left to rest. Even if it looks lumpy instead of puffy and smooth. (I told you I knew this wouldn't end well.)

Then I tried to halve it so I could experiment even further, making one regular focaccia, and one stuffed with prosciutto and smoked mozzarella. Good idea, but with crap dough, not a chance of proper execution.

The smaller blob on the right is the folded-over stuffed one. My dough failed to rise the second time, after stretching out, so that's why it looks like a deflated whiffle-ball.
Drizzled w/ evoo and lots of salt, I baked the bastards off anyway.

Crispy, yes. Unfortunately, dense as... well no bread is supposed to be that dense. It's more of a weapon than a food source. But Mike was nice and ate the stuffed one saying he liked it (sometimes I really worry about his palate...)

But the flavor wasn't all bad, so I thought today that I'd try to turn it into a flatbread pizza kinda deal. Fresh mozzarella, garlic, olive oil, salt, basil, etc...

I even pre-roasted the tomato slices.

There is just no saving shitty bread. Turning it into croutons would just be an insult to the unsuspecting salad-eater as they broke a tooth on the extra-hardened nuggets from further toasting.

I did, however, eat all that melted mozzarella and tomato topping. And it was good! So HA!

There is my first attempt at bread. Ending in total failure. See, I will post my failures... just grudgingly. And I may not acknowledge them in the future, no matter what evidence you produce. Just sayin'...

Also, I have since learned that a dear friend of mine used to make this bread ALL THE TIME growing up. She will soon be imported from Brooklyn and chained to my kitchen to help me not suck at this anymore. Until then, I am going to have to haul my butt down to 74th to buy my focaccia at Salumeria Rosi. And OH NO I guess I'll have to pick up some fresh burrata while I'm there.

However will I survive?
:)

Going Bananas, Late-Night

What's more fun than curling up in bed at 10PM and watching old Haunted House movies on TCM?
Making banana bread!

Ok well not really but for some reason that's what I ended up doing tonight. Sure, sure, most people like to bake when the sun is still up. Once you've cleaned up dinner, you're done with the kitchen for the night.
Not in this house. In this house we've been known to make lamb chops at midnight, and steak at 1AM. And by "we" I mean me. And they are FABULOUS! And really what man would complain that you were cooking extra deliciousness at an odd hour of the night, so long as he's still awake to enjoy it?
Tonight I just couldn't stand looking at those almost-black bananas anymore. I had promised Mike that I would turn them into banana bread but I just was unmotivated during daylight hours. And there's nothing like a less-than-suspenseful old movie and the Marquis to make you feel like doing something in the kitchen. That, and eating at very random intervals during the day.
So in under 15 min I had everything going in the oven. Tho I admit it is the most basic of banana bread recipes. No nuts (I loathe walnuts) and no chocolate chips. Just straight-up plain but it comes out moist and delicious. And the apartment smells great!

It's not exciting to describe. There's the usual "creaming" of the bananas & sugar & eggs.

Addition of flour and varying sodas, cinnamon & vanilla, oil.

Distribute.

Magic! They're done! (with 1 measly hour baking...)

Enjoy!

Not an exciting post, I grant you. But Mike is extremely excited for the slice or two that I will include in his lunch tomorrow.

And whatever he is pilfering from the kitchen as I type this up...